Stop Saying Sorry!: The Power of Thank You Over Sorry in Relationships and Beyond
Stop Saying Sorry!: The Power of Thank You Over Sorry in Relationships and Beyond
Words hold power. They can uplift, motivate, and inspire. But they can also bring us down, belittle us, and leave us feeling small.
Perhaps no two words hold more negative energy than “I’m sorry.”
Used as a catch-all for everything from bumping into someone at the grocery store to making a mistake at work, “I’m sorry” has become so ubiquitous in our language that it’s lost its meaning. It’s time for leaders to replace this disempowering phrase with something more positive and uplifting.
In this article, we’ll explore why “thank you” dominates “I’m sorry” and how it will change your life if you give it the chance.
The Problem with “I’m Sorry”
“I’m sorry” has become the default response for any situation that might require an apology. It’s a knee-jerk reaction that comes out of our mouths before we even think about what we’re saying. We say it when we’re late for a meeting, when we forget a friend’s birthday, and when we spill something on the floor. But why do we say it? More often than not, we say “I’m sorry” because we feel guilty or ashamed. We feel like we’ve done something wrong and we need to apologize for it.
The problem with “I’m sorry” is that it puts us in a position of weakness. It makes us feel like we’re not good enough or that we’ve made a mistake.Possibly even a mistake that no other “normal” huma being ever would have made. It also puts the other person simultaneously in a position of power over us and of having already judged us.
When we say “sorry” , we’re essentially saying, “I messed up, and now you have the right to judge me – which I am sure you already have.” This can lead to a negative cycle of guilt and shame that’s hard to break out of and builds up negative charges in your relationship.
Why “Thank You” Is a Better Choice
If “I’m sorry” doesn’t work, what can we say instead?
The answer is simple: “Thank you.”
Instead of being sorry for our mistakes, we can simply be thanking the people around us for their patience and understanding. For example, instead of saying, “I’m sorry I’m late,” we could say, “Thank you for waiting for me.” Instead of saying, “I’m sorry I spilled the milk,” we could say, “Thank you for helping me clean this up.” or “Thanks for being patient with my clumsiness.”
“Thank you” is a much more empowering phrase than “I’m sorry” to everyone involved. It puts us in a position of gratitude instead of weakness. It also raises up the other person and lets them be responsible for their own judgments. We shift guilt, shame and energetic hierarchy to gratitude and equality. .
This leads to a more positive and uplifting cycle of energy that can benefit everyone involved.
How “Thank You” Can Change Your Life
Replacing “I’m sorry” with “thank you” may seem like a small change, but it has a big impact on your life. By focusing on gratitude instead of guilt, you’ll be able to approach difficult situations with a more positive attitude. You’ll also be able to build stronger relationships with the people around you. When you show appreciation for their efforts, and patience, instead of making them the witness and judge of your failings they’ll be more likely to want to help you in the future.
Using “thank you” instead of “I’m sorry” can also help you to be more mindful of your words. Instead of reacting automatically, you’ll need to take a moment to think about what you want to say. This can help you to communicate more effectively and avoid the misunderstandings that come when we immediately blurt out what we are feeling in any given moment.
Words hold power. When we use disempowering phrases like “I’m sorry,” we bring ourselves down and bring othersdown with us. By replacing “I’m sorry” with “thank you,” we can approach difficult situations with a more positive attitude and show appreciation for the efforts of those around us. It lifts everyone. It may take some time to break the habit of saying “I’m sorry,” but with practice, we can make “thank you” our default response.
In addition to the benefits we’ve already discussed, using “thank you” instead of “I’m sorry” can also help us to let go of negative emotions like guilt and shame. When we focus on gratitude, we’re less likely to dwell on our mistakes and more likely to learn from them.
Of course, there are times when an apology is necessary. There’s nothing wrong with an apology. Saying “I’m sorry” is not the same thing as apologizing. If we’ve truly hurt someone or done something wrong, apologizing can be an important step in making things right. But in many situations, “thank you” is a much better choice. For example, “I want to acknowledge that I hurt you and I want to sincerely apologize for that. I own it and I hope you can forgive me.” That’s an entire apology without ever using the poisoned words of “Im Sorry.”
Right now, I want you to focus on something you’re really sorry about. Maybe it’s something little, maybe something huge, but something you’re sorry for, like, “I’m sorry, that this happened.” And I want you to think about how you could turn that sorry into a “thank you.” How you could focus that energy up, how you could focus on creating with this mistake. How could you say it in a way that acknowledges you are a powerful and good human who made a mistake and not some dreadful being who should be punished.
"The truth is in life, we fail forward, we can actually fail forward, and we’re not perfect at anything."
We’re powerfully imperfect beings, learning as we go. We just f$*$ up from time to time. We fall flat on our face. In those moments, we got to be really careful who we show up as. For me, “I’m sorry” is no longer an acceptable form of communication. Although I will say I still let it slop from time to time. So many years of school, church, parents and everything conditioned me to say “sorry.” But every time I’m sorry, It’s like I take a big handful of guilt and shame and put it on top of me and everyone around me because I’m trying to make sure everyone knows that I deserved the guilt and shame sandwich that I just swallowed… and that I just roped them into feeding me by saying it to them. And I reject that I want to spit out the guilt and shame.
I want to say thank you to you – the reader. Thank you for accepting me as the imperfect human that I am.
This article is not perfect. Not even close … There’s so many things I thought I wanted to say in so many ways. I wanted to prepare so many things I thought I could do differently. But I want to thank you for accepting my message, accepting the message of someone who’s trying to show up powerfully but definitely imperfectly. I’ve definitely fallen on my face four or 5,6, 7 times. It’s not our practice to overly edit. . Thank you for reading despite the imperfections in what I have to say.
In this article, we’ve explored the power of replacing “I’m sorry” with “Thank you,” and how this simple shift in language can help us reframe our mistakes, take responsibility for our actions, and empower ourselves and those around us.
Where do you find yourself saying “I’m sorry,” again and again? Going to that victim, guilt and shame?
Where could you make a new choice to start leveraging “thank you” to take you to some new destination? That’s what it is.
"We create our own lives, but we create our own lives in our language as well."
If you want to live your legend, if you want to awaken the Legend inside of you, you’re gonna have to do the hard work worth doing every single day and part of that is bending, “I’m sorry” to “thank you” again and again and again. Let’s get to work. Take an insight you have had here reading this and put it into action. If you don’t this has all been for nothing … the second you put it into action it means something! Make it mean something. Even, and especially, if you completely disagree. That’s OK – You then go take action in what you are learning and feeling too!
